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Penis Kung Fu

Penis Kung Fu

Yeap you read that right. The title just said “Penis Kungfu”. At first I wanted to go for “Mega Iron Dick” or “Ultimate Dong Warrior” or maybe “Supreme Man-Sausage of Steel”.. But I figured “Penis Kungfu” is better since it’s accurate and the least subtle. By the way I’m not sure why I choose this topic to blog about as my comeback but….It just seems right and hard on

The practitioner of this crotch-strengthening arts/qigong is Tu Jin-Sheng or otherwise known as Iron Crotch. While most men are remembered in history by inventing the first airplane or climbing Mount Everest this guy etched his name in history by towing a truck….with his penis

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As you can see he literally pulled a damn truck with his damn dong. Half of you guys… Who am I kidding.. 99% of you guys can’t even pull that truck with your hands. Let alone your penis. But worry not! You too can tow truck and other shits with your private parts! If you’re interested you can visit his website and learn the sacred and rare arts of sausage-strengthening. You can also check out the photo section there. Where you will be give multiple doses of pictures that will make your balls shrink the size of a dried walnut by the mere sight of it.
Even the manliest of man will cup his balls after seeing this picture
To develop your own super-powered junk you can buy the iron crotch package to master qigong. The package includes instructional DVD, training silk and training hook. The first two sounds fine but I’m not sure what can you do with a ‘training hook’. And oh yeah, the website also mentions that these exercises should not be attempted without the supervision of a certified master of Jiu Jiu Shen Gong. Which is a no brainer. No matter how daring you are no one should EVER attempt exercises that involve yanking your man-parts and hanging tonnes of weights on your privates without supervision. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to explain to the doctors how you ‘accidentally’ ripped off your dick.
I’ll punch my own balls if you can find anything manlier than this
But if you manage to master it, you’ll earn the ultimate bragging right. While your colleagues talked about how they bought that new shiny car, you can impress them by pulling that very car using nothing but your junk. Also, the look on your friend’s face when they tried to kick you in the nuts and realise it hurts you as much as bite from a toothless kitten would be priceless.
Oh yeah, did I mention that Master Tu is more than just a dick master? According to this  website it describes Master Tu as “a graceful man who moves like a swimming dragon, with sudden bursts of thunderous gestures, natural displays of raw power”. Which sounds a lot like another way of saying he possess a mega boner. It also states that Master Tu is also a musician and a painter. Being the master of qigong I think we can safely assume he might be playing piano and paints using the same body part he used to tow the truck. But hey, we’ll never know…
Pictured : A guy that is artistic and pulled a truck with his ding dongs
Despite all the awesome things he did, I still see no point in this martial arts. I mean what are you going to do? Take down a criminal by charging at them pants-down and strike them down with your iron rod of manliness? Wait, that does sounds awesome….

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